And so this weekend, another season of FPL came to a close. One which I've struggled with at times, but managed to remain engaged with due to my brothers incredible start (it all went downhill after boasting to Viktor Gyokeres about his top 10 k rank a couple of months ago).
Whilst I've struggled with the season, I still love the game, and not calling for radical changes like a lot of people seem to be doing. Sure, it could do with some tweaks, and a bit of a refresh, but generally it's still brilliant and we all love it, so lets not try and fix things just for the sake of it.
There's no doubt improvements need to be made... The servers, the lack of prizes for previous winners, but some of the suggestions I've seen, just seem likely to add more chaos to the game.
But, as much as i love the game... I'm grateful for a break. Both from FPL and Football.
I went into the final gameweek of the season, without thinking of potential moves all week. All I could think about was city at Wembley. I had dreams of sharing a winning moment at Wembley with Eric, of seeing the likes of Haaland, Kane and Salah on a regular basis, of James Maddison and Callum Wilson returning "home" once we were back in the promised land.... The thought of Madders alongside Callum O'Hare at the top of the box, supported by Ben Sheaf and Gustavo is the stuff dreams are made of. I genuinely thought it was our year.
Ever the optimist, I've talked up our chances of qualifying for months. But that was just qualifying for them, and then it was hope. With Hamer and Gyokeres, I fully believe we have the two very best players in the league, and so we had a chance.... But then, that famous night at Ewood Park... In a huge 6 pointer, we were 1-0 down in injury time.... Our goalkeeper strides up and bundles an equaliser in over the line with some still undetermined combination of his hand, stomach, hip, thigh and knee. The greatest Gaffr signing ever... a keeper that wins the Golden Glove, and pops up with a couple of assists and a goal!
When moments like that happen. It's hard not to believe...
And so Saturday came. In the excitement of it all, the wife even managed to get a ticket to only her second ever city game (1st one was at home to Aldershot in the Carabao/Carling/Worthington cup many years ago). Bloody glory supporter!
We travelled down to Wembley in high spirits, but full of nerves. We knew the size of the task ahead of us. Luton have been impressive all season, and we haven't beaten them since both teams were in League Two, 5 years ago.
But we had Gus, we had Vik... We had hope.
Saturday hurt. My heart hurt. It hurt a lot and it still hurts now. I'm honestly not sure when it will stop hurting. I think I've had tears well up every day since when thinking about the game, and the club.
The hug from Eric at the end of the game felt like neither of us wanted it to end, because then we'd have to look up and see the Luton celebrations and accept the reality of the dream being over.
The looks on the faces of our fallen heroes at the end of the game were heart-breaking, and we now face the distinct possibility that several of them will have played their last game for the club. Fankaty Dabo has already been released. He's been a huge part of the good times we've had in the last four years. He deserved a better final moment in sky blue than that penalty kick, and the disgraceful abuse he's received on Social Media since from some unsurprisingly anonymous accounts.
He deserved his final moment to be glory, him lifting Gus on to his shoulders at Middlesbrough after we won the semi final. A moment showing how key he has been to the team spirit, and the bond the players and fans have built recently.
Similarly the many players that have given us so much joy over the last season or more deserved better. There are bound to be Premier League and European vultures circling, looking to pick up our best players, so the thought we may not see them in sky blue scares me.
That's not to say Luton didn't deserve their victory. They should've been out of sight in the first half hour, as we didn't turn up. Both teams lost key players, with the awful looking collapse of Tom Lockyer, and then the injury to Hamer at a moment if felt like we were really getting on top. Then we had another of those moments that made me believe. Jonathan Panzo had been recently introduced as a substitute, and lost possession of the ball in the last few minutes of extra time.
From my viewpoint at the other end of the stadium, I looked on in horror as Luton scored what seemed like a perfectly good goal. I was numb. Head in my hands, i felt a reassuring hand on my shoulder from my nephew, who told me there was a VAR check... I had no idea what for, but when it came up on the big screen that the goal was disallowed, there were celebrations similar to those when we scored. Once again, I truly believed it was on. But sadly it wasn't to be
And so I'm trying to focus on the positives, the moment Gus equalised, and the pandemonium that followed will stay with me forever, the hugs, screams, ticker-tape, streams, smoke bombs. It was all there, and a moment shared with family and friends like that is what we go to games for. I even managed to compose myself at one point to turn around and take in the whole city end screaming "He's Brazilian". It was a sight to behold. 50 % of Wembley was bedecked in sky blue, singing together in harmony. We've had some horrendous times with this club, but recently we've also had a lot of great times, and this was another.
We have to dream that more are just around the corner, and with Mark Robins at the helm, I wouldn't bet against them.
But for now. I need a break from football, First test of the summer starts today, and the ashes start in a couple of weeks. I need the distraction